i don’t think people can fall out of love.  love is something more than just a fleeting emotion; it is something that’s alive in you. a part of you. you never stop caring for that person you truly loved. being in love is wanting what’s best for the person regardless of what they’ve done to you or what they’re going to do in the future.  loving someone is putting that person above yourself.  if you can stop caring, that means it wasn’t love. 

today’s just one of those days

one of those days when you are so filled with emotion, compassion, longing for something, you’re not quite sure about.  I have been watching the Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch.  It truly moved me and just like the other 10 million viewers, it stopped us in our tracks, and got us thinking.  I long for that look of love he gives his wife filled with such compassion and the thought that knowing that time is slowly diminishing.  I am moved by the love and sadness of Randy Pausch knowing his battle with cancer is soon going to end with the score not being in his favor.  As he tears up at the thought of his children being left behind, it grips me. The world is such an unfair place; filled with the goal of just wanting to get through, and being CONTENT.  not happy. Randy Pausch shows he never gave up on his dreams of being happy, joyous about life.  

insignificant things

As I sit in my room on this Wednesday night, I give a sigh of relief to be getting out of this Texas heat.  It is September, and me being from Nashville(which is still in the south, btw), it is a strange phenomenon for the outdoors to feel like I’m walking through Dante’s Inferno.  The sudden of thought of wanting to watch Christmas movies has come to mind; you know, the insignificant, more cheesy than anything else, Christmas movies.  Now, looking back at it, I can’t even seem to remember the titles of 90% of those petty movies; however, I want nothing more than to just watch them.  They all have one thing in common: the belief that miracles and that life is good.  There is chaos for 99.99% of the movie, but when all hope is lost, a beautiful things happens, as cliche as it gets.  We, as society, grudgingly go through life repeating to ourselves that “life is not fair”/ “life is hard”, maybe people like the holiday season so much because it is like our “Christmas miracle” that comes true.  11 Months out of the year we are surrounded with chaos , but when we think all hope is lost, something amazing happens.  Hope.  Love.  Happiness.  Strangers greet each other warmly, many charities take place to raise money for those who can’t afford presents.  What if we lived life like this everyday.  Instead of just this one month out of our year.  What if we hoped for miracles everyday.  What if we loved each other.  Maybe, those insignificant, cliche movies are significant in showing/ telling us something important.  I always watch these movies every Christmas, and I can’t even remember the titles.  There has to a reason why so many people watch them; it isn’t necessarily the quality of the movies, but the idea that something so great, like strangers coming together, can happen.  

patience and kindness

love is patient, love is kind. love incorporates such a vast range of emotion. we lose our tempers; we do things regret and hurt people especially those we love. maybe that proverbs verse is a guideline for a successful relationship. we are all tempted to forget patience and kindness but we must not forget its what we all go back to in the end if the relationship needs to be saved

"he knew what he exactly wanted and I found myself wishing that I was as lucky as he"

writing and competition

when and why did this world become such a center of competition? why does everyone try to be better than our neighbor?  Including writing.  teachers growing up always put a number in comparison to others to our pieces.  isn’t writing a way of expression?  it’s not only for the eloquent.  who cares if we do not use exquisite words?  ernest hemingway is one of the most renowned writers, yet he did not use lengthy vocabulary. why can’t we return to this time? 

i love food

lack of self control

amazing at how the mind is so easily distracted and troubled.

i get a C+ on a test: and im too scared to actually apply myself because im scared of failure.

im a perfectionist. who likes failure?

amazing at how the mind is so troubled of such things.

embarrassment also troubles me. i messed up on a cello piece in front of church people, yet, i’ve been through at least one hundred performances and some have included mess ups.why is it so embarrassing for me that one on christmas ? maybe it’s cause it deals with people i care about.  it seems like caring for people can be such a burden, at the same time, life. isn’t complete without them.

i want to gain self control

dedicated to you: personal statement

you made it easier for me in high school. my dad and i lost touch in high school, and i lacked a strong father figure, but you managed to play both a fatherly role as well as the brother i never had.  i genuinely miss you.  you were one of the strongest people i have ever known, and when you cried when i left, meant so much to me.  that’s a memory that i will never forget. my father could never really show emotions towards me, so it meant so much more to me than you’ll ever know.

words

what are words used for? we go out of our way to utilize extensive vocabulary in our elaborate sentences.  however. what is the point of it? aren’t words used to communicate? instead of confusing someone? i took a test and the professor goes out of his way to use words to puzzle our minds. however. does this show that we know the material? or just know how to read? words are supposed to express an emotion or an idea that goes on in our head. picture words like majestic. what do you think of? i think of majestic mountains, majesty. royalty. we use words because it is the only way to make someone realize what runs through our head.  all humans are connected somehow.  do we not picture rain the same way? words are a way of connecting us together in this world. words may be one of the last things that actually keep the human race together.  think of how many things create distance. wars, rumors, racism. melange of things. 

simplicity in its own

as a child, i would find so much happiness in looking at beautiful, new homes.  my family moved a lot, so it was normal for us to go on these little real-estate endeavors.  i never realized until today why it meant so much to me.  it was the very few times when my family did something together, as a unit, willingly.  we would sometimes go look at these beautiful works of art during the evening.  it was like enjoying three of God’s beautiful creations: family, evening sky, and architecture.  i miss it. it’s quite sad thinking that i do not live with them anymore.  looking at homes are not as enjoyable anymore because i know that i will not live in that house where my family and i searched meticulously to find the perfect home that symbolized our family.  after all, a house is so much more than just a building.  just how the foundation is placed in solid ground, this house is the foundation for a family.  a place to share memories and love.

my family started off making just enough to pay rent and minimal groceries.  i still remember to this day, the first time my parents took us to our new house.  the one they worked so hard for . day and night.  the atmosphere. the admiration for it. my parents took us to the foundation of it. even before the carpet, the walls, were built, nothing but a bunch of wooden planks were put up. yet, to us , it seemed like a castle.  sure. today it would seem like nothing because my parents have become prosperous, but this little house holds beautiful memories of my childhood that i wouldn’t exchange for any mansion/castle.  simple things made our family love and cherish every blessing we received.  simplicity in its own has made us who we are today.

how different the world would be if appearances did not take such importance

how different the world would be if appearances did not take such importance

(Source: victimofmythoughts)

mind

my mind is filled with a melange of random thoughts. i can’t seem to focus on one and make it an intricate one.  it just seems like a pile of uselessness floating around in my head. do we live this life trying to find the true meaning of it just like aristotle and plato? do we go to the ends of the world to try to discover this enigmatic idea that everyone dies to come across? or do we live our lives in the cult of normalcy? going to school/getting a job/a family? maybe… we can have both? maybe there’s a reason as to why everyone follows this track? is there a meaning / discovery waiting to be found behind this life we strive for?